Rosie O’ Donnell’s live variety show was dead on arrival when it premiered on Thanksgiving Eve which opened her up for reviewer attack with the phrase “It was a turkey!”

With guests like Alec Baldwin and Liza Minnelli (which may be an indication of why the show flopped, couldn’t they up the stakes with some newer stars?) Rosie’s charm couldn’t beat the ratings. She came in on NBC’s lowest viewed radar with 5 million people willing to sit through the experiment.

Asked if she would continue with the show her answer was a definite no. “No ratings. Bad reviews,” she wrote in her blog.

 Thanksgiving Eve is a hard time to premiere any show as viewership is normally down. The planners of the show would have done better to have premiered it during the week of Christmas when viewers may be more apt to tune into such nonsense while stirring cookie dough.

The other reason Rosie may not do well with a variety hour is that typically variety shows should be for family viewing and she has damaged her family friendly persona with her opinionated rhetoric on The View and her public feud with Donald Trump. People no longer see her as “Charming Auntie Rosie” or “one of the gals” Rosie…More like disgruntled, crazy Rosie who was better off in secondary movie roles.

The eternal exercise optimist was spotted handing out free goodies and cash to the homeless and needy while other shoppers looked for dirt cheap bargains. He sang while he gave and screamed in delight after learning  a new hand shake from the youngsters.

Simmons must be congratulated for his caring spirit but when will he realize he is 60! Wearing a sleeveless Christmas inspired tank-top he made everyone look overdressed in their winter jackets and scarves. Down below his waist was being hugged by shorts one size too small.

Oh well, that’s what we expect of Simmons and without his flamboyant nature he would just be another forgotten star of the eighties. Exercise gurus don’t die otherwise Heaven would not be a place of rest.

Cynthia Tamis could not cope with the aftermath of 911. Her company collapsed and she became severely depressed even as she lived in a luxurious mansion in an exclusive part of the city (in other words, where they keep the lower and class peasants out).

In an attempt to restore her happiness Tamis began taking in stray cats and dogs until there numbered more than 100 pets, all roaming the mansion peeing and pooping and making a mess. The living conditions were appalling when authorities finally arrived and charged her with 60 counts of animal cruelty which had the potential to put her in jail for a maximum of 30 years.

After her mental health was evaluated her sentence was reduced to a fine of 5000 dollars. Her home was foreclosed upon and because of the pet damage was sold for half of its original value of 3 million dollars.

Cynthia was diagnosed with “animal hoarding syndrome,” a personality disorder for people who are addicted to “animal love,” or the illusion thereof. She now lives in a two bedroom apartment and has lost everything. However, her story has now been covered by Inside Edition, Fox News, The NY Daily News and other major news outlets. Popped Culture News sees a LifeTime Movie in her future.

In what has to be one of the most disgusting moment in all of Reality TV, Brandi C in a drunken argument let’s loose with the thickest loogie you’ve ever seen and lands it on Destiney. Rock of Love: Charm School is addictive trash TV on par with Jerry Springer.

Destiney, who’s parents apparently can’t spell, reacts appropriately to the assault and we can’t wait for her to get a towel and wipe that nastiness off her face. That spit was not the thin kind you see actors get hit with in movie scenes, it was thick and sticky. This writer is ralphing in his mouth just thinking about it and can’t get it out of his head.

The entire incident was instigated by red-haired Lacey, the one contestant who has survived by abusing friendships and egging enemies on. As a friend to Brandi C, she convinced her to go yell at Heather who was also drunk and feeling nauseous.

[Spoiler Alert] Nice friend that Lacey. Her pushing Brandi C into a fight resulted in Brandi C being kicked off the show. Sharon would have none of it and stated it was against the law to spit on people (probably she has past experience with Ozzy being arrested, he looks like he might have spit on several people as well as stray animals, cars or whatever else was in his pathway).

With VH1 I believe it is time for Jerry Springer to retire. How can he compete with original reality trash TV versus his brand of fake fights and rehashes of the same old themes. Lacey may eventually get kicked off the show but she’s making a name for herself and that means she’ll be brought back again for another show. Good for you Lacey–advancing your career through manipulating drunken ex-pornstars. It’s no wonder Brandi C spit.

If Chef Gordon Ramsay is known to drop the F-bomb, how do you think his wife sounds when she finds out he’s been seeing a professional mistress? A mistress who wrote a book on affairs no less.

Her name is Sarah Symonds and she is the author of “Having An Affair? A Handbook For The Other Woman”.  A clear signal not to allow your husband near her. Apparently she gained writing experience with author Jeffrey Archerf while laying on her back. 

When asked by reporters if he was cooking a tart, Gordon Ramsay refused to respond to the allegations.

Sarah Symonds, the other woman, while not admitting to the affair, seems to be taking advantage of the situation. She dined at Gordon’s Maze Restaurant with friends, eating a six course meal mind you, and let Gordon pick up the tab. If the affair turns out to be true this writer thinks there may be an equal exchange of sex for food.

In the new movie Bolt, featuring a dog who doesn’t know his special powers are the result of special effects, voices were picked based on celebrity status–except for one. The hamster.

What’s so special about the hamster named “Rhino” that he didn’t need an A-list acting voice? They couldn’t find a voice better than the one they already had. His voice is performed by Mark Holton, an animator who is now meeting the press and walking the red carpet.

How did it all happen, popped culture enthusiasts? Because it could happen to you if you have the right talent at the right moment.

Normally when an animation crew is working on 3D characters and the voices haven’t been selected yet they fill in the voices themselves. Any member of the crew can add their personality as long as they realize later that their character interpretation will be eliminated in favor of stars like John Travolta or Miley Cyrus. Mark Walton got lucky. No one else, famous or otherwise, fit the bill when it came to voicing “Rhino The Hamster”. The producers and director felt he was the best choice.

Realistically this is a rare event, though maybe a precedent is being set here. …Nah, let’s face it. They weren’t going to let an animator do the voice of “Bolt The Dog”. The marketing department would have had a tantrum. They need to be able to sell star status, not some grunt working behind the scenes who’s had too many donuts and Monster Energy Drinks.

Mark Walton scored big time with a secondary character not important enough to make marketing squeal but popular enough within the movie to make audiences laugh. He snuck behind the radar and scored. We at Popped Culture News salute you Mark. Animator Grunts everywhere are jealous.