As some of you who have read this blog in the past week know, I commented on John Hughes. Yes, I pulled my John Hughes collection out for the holidays and currently have Uncle Buck playing on my office TV. I never noticed it before but young McCauley Culkin swears a lot in the opening scenes.

In 2004, the powers that be decided to pass more regulations on how to protect child actors. The added measures included banning exposure to nudity, swearing, smoking and drinking.

The smoking bit I get. Secondhand smoke, though overblown on the statistics, can get into a young person’s lungs and cause some possible damage, especially if the kid has asthmatic problems to begin with.

The drinking? Do we really have to protect a kid from participating in a scene where an adult actor is drinking? And was it really a necessary rule to begin with? Most likely the adult actor is drinking grape juice because if the scene is done ten or more times they would be drunk and useless to work with. Obviously no sane adult would force a kid to drink real alcohol if the scene called for it and there are already laws on the books that would prevent that.

The nudity? I’m torn on that one. First of all it depends on the age of the child. A baby isn’t going to give a damn if an actress is showing her breast, except that it might make them hungry. Boys who are around 13 and get to see live breasts are just plain lucky. Young girls exposed to male genitalia might be one instance when it’s best to use separate shooting schedules and keep them away from the offending member though I still question why plain male nudity should be detrimental in the first place. Overall we’re so prude about nudity in America and children are more curious than by nudity than sexually turned on. It’s when sexual aggression occurs, that’s when we get into the problem areas.

That leaves us with the swearing and here I think it should be left up to the parent as to whether a child is allowed to swear on camera or hear other adult actors swearing on camera. Kids, when they’re away from adults, swear worse than I do when I stub my toe–generally speaking, and what constitutes a bad word is usually a matter of opinion. Swearing has more to do with being polite than psychological damage as the result of hearing a specific sound–which is just another superstition we perpetuate in the English language: the idea that one word is more taboo than another based solely on its sound.

I’m going to keep an eye out for children swearing in newly released movies. I’m sure there must be some loopholes in the regulations. Maybe a parent can sign a permission slip for them to say the word “s**t.” I’d also like to see the list of swear words that are deemed to be “swear words.” Does it include the word “Damn” or “Crap”? Two words that while vulgar, seem to be more acceptable these days.

These petty regulations do not do what they’re intended to do which is to protect young actors. Young actors don’t need to be shielded from swearing and nudity, what they need are good lawyers to protect their money from greedy Hollywood parents; and they could use a therapist to protect them from the illusions of fame.

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