I thought I had seen the sickest moments possible in comedic films until I came across Pledge This! (2006). There was the love goo in the hair, there was the escaped testicle and then there was the scene in this movie that made me wretch.

Something About Mary of course set the bar high for gross out humor and I’m still surprised the scene where Mary discovers Teds lost “achem” on his ear and uses it for hair gel didn’t get the movie an NC17 rating. It just shows how ridiculous the MPAA is when they don’t force that cut but go after some indie film for extreme violence.

Then there was Tomcats with Jerry O’ Connell and Gary Busey’s son Jake Busey. A testicle escapes and is chased all over a hospital until it ends up in the cafeteria and is eaten. Gross, but not as gross as the next movie I will describe. I can tolerate body parts being eaten. Horror movies are filled with such moments.

What horror movies don’t normally show is bestiality unless you want to get into the debate about The Howling (is it bestiality to have sex when you’re turning into a werewolf?).

Pledge This! starring Paris Hilton, who was also an executive producer, plays herself, er, a character named Victoria English. Ms. English is head of the most prestigious sorority on campus. They allow the usual cast of geeks and nerds to pledge because in order to win the FHM Magazine contest they need to show diversity.

None of that matters. You’re only going to watch this movie to be grossed out by one scene and that scene involves one of those infamous little dogs that Paris and other spoiled celebs like to carry around in their purse. This accessory, a Yorkshire Terrier I think, is guilty of interspecies licking in the most wrong way possible.

What happens, and I don’t care if I spoil the move here because it’s basically crap, is that Victoria’s boyfriend wants to make love and she’s not really interested at the time. So she blindfolds him and ties him to the bed. Then she sprays whipped cream all over his nether regions. He thinks it’s kinky, only she leaves the room after stuffing her Yorkie under the sheets.

The Yorkie aggressively licks the whipped cream, which means it’s licking this guy’s–okay, you get it. And it’s not just  a brief “eww” moment because they draw the scene out until this guy’s friends come by and we see exaggerated dog movements under the sheets with slurpy sound effects interrupted by occasional nips.

Absolutely an “EWWWWW” moment. I knew National Lampoon was desperate for attention but maybe you should draw the line somewhere.

There’s funny subtle bestiality jokes like Woody Allen and a sheep in “Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex…” and then there’s just WTF gross moments. This is one of them because while it was outrageous it just wasn’t very clever. And the boyfriend doesn’t even get mad when he finds out Victoria had her pooch go down on him–even a comedy should have him try to get even with his girlfriend.

Ironically Paris Hilton got upset over Pledge This! because the main producers wanted more nudity in it. But she didn’t seem to mind the dog job?

Follow up Note: I just showed this scene to my wife and she found it hilarious and made me laugh with her. Maybe it’s a moment so gross you have to share to find it funny. Or maybe it’s just women enjoy cruel humor towards men.

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