I guess it’s still “alleged” that Chris Brown beat Rihanna, but by all indications it happened. We’ve seen the photo, we know police took him in, I don’t think there’s too much that’s been hidden. My question is where is the real outrage in the Black Community? I’m betting this will all blow over and Chris Brown will sell more records. It just seems like domestic abuse is nothing to get upset over as long as it’s black on black.

And guess what the big news is this week? Chris and Rihanna are back together again.

What a great example for all of the young black women out there in dysfunctional relationships where they’re being physically abused. This seems to be a “pimp attitude” in the hip-hop/rap scene–”A bitch is a bitch.” If a woman mouths off too much than she deserves to be hit, doesn’t she?

Now if Rihanna wants words of encouragement she can always get them from 50 Cent. Talking to ABC News this is what he had to say,”She was beaten past someone hitting a person out of anger that they couldn’t control at the moment. It’s like a man fighting another man versus a man fighting another woman. “

In other words, “She was beaten past how I normally would beat a woman.” How comforting, “Fiddy.”

I suppose I have to go to the extremely white band Nickelback to find lyrics to address the anger I feel at domestic violence:

You’re just a child with a temper
Haven’t you heard “Don’t hit a lady”?
Kickin’ your ass would be a pleasure

If you have some rap or hip hop songs that address the same issue please leave some comments. Most of what I’ve listened to I don’t think I’ve ever heard a male rapper chastize women beaters.

Honestly, it’s my opinion that if you beat your girlfriend or wife–you’re a pussy!

When I heard they were remaking “Last House on the Left” I rolled my eyes. I appreciate there’s a whole new crew of horror film directors remaking classic seventies and eighties horror films–new interpretations are not necessarily a bad thing–but Last House on the Left was simply Wes Craven unloading all his sick thoughts into a film.

I own the film. I’ve been fascinated ever since I saw it in my college age years. If you’re not familiar with the movie it is the type of horror film you don’t watch with other people because it’s not really a story you enjoy. It’s a story that claws at your morbid sense of curiosity and you feel like you need a shower after you’re done watching it.

Which is why the remake will wimp out. I’m making that prediction right here and now. The first clue I got was from the teaser text on Bloody-Disgusting.com: John and Emma Collingwood are on vacation at their lakeshore house when, by a bizarre twist of fate, they give shelter to the sociopaths who have just assaulted and nearly killed their daughter. Upon discovering the truth, they exact a chilling revenge on her attackers…

The big clue here is “nearly killed their daughter.” In the original film “the daughter” dies a horrible death after being tortured and rape. The word “nearly” signals that the producers, writers and director don’t have the guts to go all the way with the victimization that ultimately leads to the revenge of the parents.

The remake will not have the shock value it supposed to have. In a time of war, a bad economy, Amber Alerts, media hype over sensational murders–this film should do exactly what the first one did. Horrify us in horrific times.

But then the first one was made by up and coming horror film makers Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham. You’re not going to get the same results. We need a young, sick mind trying to exorcise psychological demons onto an audience in order to remake Last House on the Left.

Our best hope is they make a decent horror thriller and don’t leave out the blowjob-penis-biting scene.

The Rubik’s Cube is back–did it ever disappear? It will be released as “Rubik’s 360,” which means it will be round and drive people insane trying to figure it out except for those whiz kids who will YouTube their puzzling triumphs.

Other novelties from the eighties have not stood the test of time like Rubik’s Cube. You can still find the original cube as well as knock-off tributes in game stores. And if you’re like me, you’ve picked one up on an impulse thinking you’ll finally get all sides to match up instead of the lame “one side” you could only do as a kid.  It’ll never happen!

Unless you study and who has time for that. So another Rubik’s Cube ends up in the closet.

The Cube was actually invented in the spring of 1974 by Erno Rubik. He wanted to find a way to keep several tiny cubes together as you turned and twisted them so that the sided colors became mixed up. Then came the fun of trying to match the colors back again. You could also cheat and take the colored stickers off and place them appropriately–though as I think about it that must have been a knock-off cube my Mom bought me. I was always getting the “knock-off” toys as a kid.

Erno applied for his patent in 1975 and it was accepted in 1977. The timing was right because there were two other patents on the table for similar inventions, one of which was approved before Erno, but didn’t function in quite the same way and was rejected by toy companies.

Only Erno Rubik’s Cube would be embraced by the public–and with how weird the Eighties was with novelties, it became an icon.

I know some personality types will take offense to this–religious, sentimental romantics–but the idea of a “purity ring” is pure nonsense. The poster boys for purity The Jonas Brothers sport theirs around to support abstinence.

Someone out there is going to ask why I am attacking abstinence? I’m not. Abstinence is attacking me and everyone else who has sex outside of marriage. It’s the very pop Christian term “Purity Ring” that is at fault because what is the opposite? The implication is that if you are not wearing one of these rings you’re a potential victim for “impurity.” And “GASP” if you’ve already had sex and you’re not married you are definitely impure.

In other words, you’re a whore, a slut, a tramp, a wild child running rampant in the night. It doesn’t matter if you’re a girl, a guy or something inbetween–it’s all about being legally married according to government regulations. I mean you can’t have a religous ceremony and be married, it’s the state who decides if you’re pure in America–not God!

I resent this impurity implication and while I would never make fun of The Jonas Brothers if they were wearing something called “Abstinence Rings,” I will make fun of them for wearing “Purity Rings.” “Abstinence Rings” is a neutral way of putting their desire to be married first before having sex. “Purity Rings” says that if I don’t agree with their lifestyle choice, I’m impure.

And do we really think teenage boys are “pure”? That’s the time of life when they’re jerking off, glancing at boobs and butts, imagining Miley Cyrus naked (oh, whoops, did I go too far), and sneaking peeks at hotel porn. And if you think I’m exaggerating, I’m not. Christian boys feel a tremendous amount of guilt for impure thoughts when it’s simply their biological imperative giving them ideas.

“Impurity” hides itself behind “pure” smiles. A legal paper sanctioning your sex act doesn’t make you pure. If anything you would have to go Zen and clear your mind of any sexual thoughts–that is, if sex was dirty.

And it’s not. Sex is not impure and having sex before marriage is not impure. The terms purity and impurity are BS unless you’re talking science. What sex really comes down to is responsibility. If the Jonas Brothers are responsible, that’s nice, but so am I and I never had to wear a ring to prove it.

Rumor has it that Clue is being remade and director Gore Verbinski of Pirates of the Caribbean fame will direct. Fans of the original Clue are now anxious.

I’m not sure why, the original Clue from 1985 is amusing but certainly it wasn’t a great movie. Maybe a remake would punch up the jokes–doesn’t any remember how lame Clue was in the opening with everyone smelling their shoes for dog poo as if it was funny?

Besides a Clue remake, Hasbro has signed a picture deal to make other games in its lineup into films including Monopoly. Huh?

I’m not sure what would be involved in the script but with the current housing collapse, finance crisis and Wall Street scandals this should go over real well with the public. Unless they can spin it into a satire and rip the annoyingly rich a couple of new ones.

Other board games include Ouija (wasn’t that already featured in The Exorcist?) and CandyLand featuring a hooker named Candy in a redlight district–no, it will be for kids with the usual innuendo slipped in for the adults.

I like the idea, as silly as it sounds, of turning our classic board games into novelty movies. It was kind of inevitable. Hollywood is searching for what we love and even with the onslaught of computer and video games boardgames are still with us–and even branching out.

Just recently I stopped into a games store at the mall and there are new companies putting out original themed boardgames and card games as if the Xbox 360 doesn’t exist. Family time goes beyond Yahtzee or Trivial Pursuit and into movie-based games, original genre games such as fantasy and noir thrillers, and old-fashioned games brought back to life that almost seem new again because we’ve lost touch with the past.

With Gore Verbinski directing a new Clue movie I think we can expect something better than what we would get with a throwaway version by an unknown director. The question is will they do the alternate endings scenarios or simply kill somebody and stick with one murderer? Here’s hoping they cast some A-list actors and pump out a good script. Johnny Depp could star as Professor Plum–he’s eccentric enough.

You would think owning an official golden man from the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences might be valuable, but try putting Oscar up for auction on Ebay and you’ll find yourself surrounded by lawyers.

That’s because “The Academy” makes every award winner sign an agreement that before they can sell their Oscar to the public they must first offer The Academy a chance to buy it back–for a buck!

That’s right, the golden man you earned with the performance of your career really is not yours, it belongs to The Academy. And they get the final word on whether you can sell it or not.

You can’t blame The Academy for doing this. The Oscar is supposed to be a symbol of high achievement, not some novelty any rich schmuck can buy through his network of celebrity friends.

How much might an Oscar be worth on the street? Not less than 60,000 dollars and up to 1.5 million according to Forbes. With that kind of cash at stake it might be worth fighting off the legal commandos.  

Earlier this month I relayed the information sent to me via email from T-shirt Hell that the owner had decided to close the site. See: T-Shirt Hell is Out of Business. Now I’m going to make the case that the same T-shirt Hell owner has committed fraud by deceiving his customers and his fan base.

The reason being is that yesterday I received a follow-up email from T-shirt Hell coninciding with their ”closing date”  which thanked everyone for their support of free speech and their business. Then there was a link that said: “Here’s the bad news.” 

On the linked to web page it starts with this: T-Shirt Hell going out of business? Really? Because of some hate mail? Are you f**king kidding me?

In other words the whole thing was a scam to sell a record number of T-shirts in a short amount of time. To me that constitutes fraudulent behavior. The owner claims it’s just a prank. Normally pranks don’t result in selling 100,000 plus T-shirts to customers who were either trying to be supportive or trying get a collector’s item.

Brand name businesses have “Going out of Business” sales all the time and then restructure. There is a lot of legal wrangling but essentially they do have to declare bankruptcy and there is a definite price to pay for doing so. The difference here is that T-shirt Hell lied to its customers in order to make a profit and never went out of business. It wasn’t even a change of heart–the whole scheme was premeditated.

Originally the T-shirt Hell owner said he was closing shop not due to loss of revenue but simply because he was tired of his business and wanted to move on to something new. If you read the original announcement post I wrote I didn’t believe that the reason they were closing shop was due to “hatemail.” I figured like any creative business owner sometimes you get sick of it all when it becomes a success and want to try something else. Apparently I’m a “sucker” for believing him, along with all the rest of his customers.

Here’s how Sunshine Megatron (what the owner calls himself) puts it:

Let’s call it my own personal stimulus package (besides my normal, daily “personal stimulus” if you know what I’m sayin). In 3 weeks, I’ve done EXACTLY what is needed to stimulate any economy..and that is to get people to open their wallets. Not only did the last 3 weeks save jobs at T-Shirt Hell, they’ve opened up a whole new world to the people who had never bought our shirts until now.

Freedom of speech, my ass. It was all about greed. Profits were obviously down and Mr. Sunshine didn’t like taking the economic hit that we all are feeling. Possibly he was having trouble paying the mortgage on his vacation home?

Imagine if anyone else pulled this stunt to sell huge numbers of their product within a month? Wouldn’t there be an investigation? Isn’t it similar to the corporate scandals we keep hearing about–lie to the public and do anything to make a buck?

T-Shirt Hell was one of the original internet troublemakers that stood against political correctness, corporate mindsets, and content middle class American values. I’ll remember them in that manner. Now they’re no better than the peacenik hippies who sold out to wear a suit and tie. And from the feedback comments on their site I can see a lot of gullible customers who are laughing it off. Those are the real “suckers.” What they should be doing is saying “Ha-ha, I want a refund on my shirt.”

I’m all for making money, lots of it and I believe there a gray areas and compromises along the way to making that money. What T-Shirt Hell did, however, I can’t stomach. I believe they owe their customers an apology instead of justifying their scam. And it’s not a prank! It is a scam!

T-Shirt Hell will get away with it for a few reasons:

1. They have money which gives them access to lawyers.
2. Not enough people will complain to the Better Business Bureau to file a case.
3. A large percentage of T-Shirt Hell customers may be too young to understand they’ve been ripped off–yes, they got their T-Shirts but under false pretenses. It’s like me buy a collector’s item from a manufacturer who says it’s a limited edition, then he manufactures more decreasing the value of your item.
4. A large percentage of T-Shirt Hell customers are potheads and racists. They’re too stupid to complain. Again, check the feedback page and you’ll see customers laughing it off as if it was alright simply because this is T-shirt Hell and they expect such antics. You idiots just made a rich guy richer and you’re probably working your ass off in a low paying job.
5. The T-Shirt Hell owner will probably make fun of anyone who claims they were deceived and tell them they “can’t take a joke.” He seems to have the mentality of a bullying highschooler who picks apart anything you say and ridicules you for it. I’ve worked for clients like this and while I can handle their abuse, they are egotistical and annoying.
6. I may be the only one who calls it like it is–Fraud! I may also be one of the few who likes the T-Shirt Designs, likes the pushing of limits when it comes to humor and free speech, but still thinks the company’s business practices are now suspect. Sunshine Megatron will claim free speech martyrdom towards any of his accusers when in fact the issue is not free speech per the Tee Designs, but outright lying to customers. This isn’t a prank, it was a money-making scheme.

So there you have it. Yeah, I’m pissed off, but for the right reasons. I don’t care how outrageous a business is or if it is manned by a character who likes to push the envelope, when it comes to your customers you don’t take their money under false pretenses. You can be a-hole and still have good business practices. Sunshine Megatron is an a-hole with no integrity left.

What’s really disappointing is that somehow his groupies are going to think he’s “cool” for doing this. It’s nothing of the sort. If you had any individuality you would see through this ploy for what it is–a rich a-hole getting richer off of hard working people and spoiled college students who get their money from Mom and Dad.

I say to hell with T-shirt Hell. They’re no better than politicians, lawyers, or corporate fraudsters at this point. If you have a brain demand a refund for the shirt you bought.

I was a little disappointed to see the trailer for “Race to Witch Mountain” because I fondly remember the original “Escape To Witch Mountain” from when I was a kid. It was one of those forbidden movies in my family because we weren’t allowed to watch anything that might promote “witchcraft” or anything demonic.

Which is why I saw it any way when my Dad wasn’t around to stop me. It’s not a great movie, the seventies Disney flicks were pretty mediocre as a whole. I just liked the concept of having supernatural powers and being able to lift objects and fly into outerspace. The movie was eerie to a kid with a powerful imagination which meant it had to be watched. I’m wondering if Race To Witch Mountain can capture that feeling.

It’s not that I’m against Disney expanding on The Witch Mountain series or remaking it, I just wish it wasn’t being made as a throwaway for the DVD market or to be shown on The Disney Channel. In other words, it looks to be a borderline family film that’s dumbed down and relies on special effects. An example in the trailer is the brother stopping the truck in the middle of the road like Will Smith in Hancock with the train.

Maybe the film will be saved by the acting talents of AnnaSophia Robb who does capture your attention onscreen. Too bad her co-actor is Dwayne Johnson, otherwise known as “The Rock.”

 I like The Rock, but you can’t take his films seriously. They’re cheezy and fun but forgettable. It makes sense for him to stick to lighthearted comedies and wrestling.

I guess we’ll have to see. In the end we may want to “escape” from Race to Witch Mountain.

If you haven’t seen King of Kong, the documentary on the rivalry of two world record breaking Donkey Kong players then pick it up this weekend. Yes, it’s about retro-gaming nerds, but the movie has a surprising amount of drama, as well as dark humor.

If Billy Mitchell, Steve Wiebe and the members of The Twin Galaxies Club–a club organized for the sake of validating retro-gaming records–were sports heroes instead of video game heroes we wouldn’t be scratching our heads at their behavior. The egos, the boasting, and the attention to rules and point keeping would seem normal.

But that’s just it, the whole thing feels abnormal. If you don’t know who Billy Mitchell is then surprise, surprise I didn’t either. This would probably shock him. Per Wiki: He has been described as the “greatest arcade-video-game player of all time.” Most likely he authored that Wiki. The man’s ego is nauseating throughout the film.

His achievements are impressive, if you consider beating video games made in the eighties an accomplishment. I don’t mean to poke fun. I think any hobby or amusing activity can be turned into sport. I would ask though that you not compare playing video games to the kind of determination and bravery involved in competing for The Olympics, as an example–members of Twin Galaxies would.

And this is what we see throughout King of Kong. People obsessed with something they put on par with fine art, great historical events, and mankind reaching out to touch the face of God. I don’t think they realize that what they are is a sidenote, a piece of trivia for the general public.

I don’t mean to sound insulting, I’m just trying to put perspective on these game playing records, the kind of perspective Twin Galaxies doesn’t have. It’s fine to have obsessions, I certainly do. And it’s fine to be obsessed with trivial hobbies. But recognize it as such.

There are claims that the director edited the film for the sake of the story so there are some factual discrepancies. However, I don’t think you can avoid the alarming reality that Billy Mitchell is an “a-hole.” Now I recognize that numerous geniuses down through time have been arrogant a-holes. With their accomplishments one could say their attitudes may have been justified, even though I believe humility is a quality trait.

Billy Mitchell treats his humble challenger Steve Wiebe like dirt, beginning with his groupies traveling up to my neck of the woods in Washington State and tearing apart his Donkey Kong machine to look for cheating.

I would say to Billy Mitchell, first of all, get a haircut and a shave and then realize that Donkey Kong, Pac Man and Burger Time are games! The real accomplishment was made by the guys who programmed them and the companies who made money off your quarters–suckers!!

Now, if you’re in the mood to play Donkey Kong online you can do it here.

I just discovered Lily Allen, as is often the case since I try new music using my Rhapsody account and it seems like she is following on the heels of Katy Perry with provocative lyrics with a friendly beat.

Songs like “F**K You” for instance which you would expect from an aging punk band or angry wannabe lesbian alternative band. The lyrics are angry but the music to the lyrics makes it all very charming. The opening piano on the song reminds you of a feel-good song sung by The Carpenters.

It’s a little hard to tell who the lyrics are aimed at, but it certainly seems to start with targeting bigots:

So sick and tired.
Of all
The hatred you harbor,
so you say
It’s not okay to be gay,
Well I think
You’re just evil.
You’re just some racist.
Who can’t tie my laces,
You’re point of view
Is medieval.

The lyrics get a little harder to interpret later on but maybe the whole song is targeting bigotry. I’m not sure. I simply think it’s a catchy tune with an epithet.

The rest of the album is filled with more amusing lyrics and accompanying music. When did young girls get so ballsy and foul-mouthed? Or am I just being patronizing?

BTW: There is an edited version of “F**K You” with horn and horse noises interrupting the epithet. This one is funnier because of the odd attempts to censor the chorus and I hope it makes it to the airwaves.