I’m a King of Queens fan, no apologies. I discovered the show in reruns. True, it’s not the most original writing (kind of like an updated Flintstones), but I grew to love the characters because much like Carrie and Doug, my wife and I don’t have kids either. And you’ll notice as a result, several of the episodes have the couple desperately looking for friends.

When you’re out of your twenties, stuck in the cycle between home and work, friends aren’t as easy to make. Couples with kids have all kinds of functions to go to where they meet other couples. They strike up conversations, help with kid birthday parties, trade sitting with the kids, and basically anything related to the damn kids.

When you don’t have kids, but you’re married what do you do? You can go to the bar, but really a bar is for picking up the opposite sex. The best you can do is have a drink, get hit on, show the ring and go home. It’s more awkward then fun.

There’s church, but that isn’t an option for me and church is much like school. If there’s no kids in the Sunday School Class then all you have is the sermon, the polite coffee afterwards where you try to find couples without kids (very hard to do at church) and then go home.

In one particular episode of King of Queens, the situation gets so bad that Carrie and Doug go out scouting for friends.  Their usual buddies, Deacon and his wife, made other plans with “new” friends they could relate to better and left them alone on a Saturday night. Where do Doug and Carrie end up? Picking up couples at a hardware store. That’s desperate.

In another episode of King of Queens Doug is the only one not invited to a barbecue by the new guy at IPS. He can’t understand why anyone would not like him. Carrie too, discovers that everyone in the office pretty much doesn’t like her (or is scared of her). Doug spends the entire episode trying to worm his way into a BBQ invite and Carrie sucks up to everyone in the office with gifts and favors. Of course it all blows up in their faces in the end because there was no sincerity. Friendship didn’t matter, they just wanted to be liked.

 I often wonder how people do it. I like people and generally speaking I’m friendly, but I don’t go looking for friends or care about attending barbecues. Friends take up a lot of time and so if you are loved by everyone you will most likely not have any time for yourself. They will eat it up with requests. If that’s for you, then go for it.

My preference is for maybe one friend to hang out with occasionally and then a couple of online buddies to exchange topical information with. I’m not great on the phone, but I’m good with email and IM. I think it’s because I have a hard time putting forth insincere conversations like, “How’s the weather?” And I don’t follow sports much so that one gets killed once someone asks if I saw the game.

Ultimately though, I relate to the most common scene in King of Queens: Carrie and Doug relaxing in bed with each other. Does anyone else ever wonder how Carrie prevents herself from being crushed to death when they make love? I’m not sure I need anyone else other than my wife–except when she pisses me off. It’s the people you really care for that can make you the angriest. Ahh, love.

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