I just wrote an article with some accompanying music videos for CDinsight.com called “Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow - Ten Glam Bands You May Have Forgotten” (yes, the title is intentionally cheezy) and I was surprised to find out about a band that should’ve been the next big thing. Their problem was they were released too late–1992.

The band was called Wildside, not to be confused with another band on the net with the same name. This is definitely a hair metal band, but one that, within the confines of the genre, put out some good music that hardly anyone has heard. If you look them up on Rhapsody.com there are two volumes called The Essential Wildside. I’d recommend at least listening to volume one unless you absolutely hate hair metal and that raspy voice sound inspired by AC/DC. Being that I’m a Cinderella fan, I enjoyed the collection.

Now an example of a glam band that deserved its slow death, at least with their debut, is Britny Fox. However, I must admit their “Girl School” video is a guilty pleasure. Unfortunately all the rest of the songs on their debut feel like Spinal Tap wrote the lyrics. “Save the Weak” is awful and funny at the same time. Can’t understand how anyone would publish a song like that.

I’m not sure you’ll see Darby O’ Gill on The Disney Channel anytime soon. It’s not just the content, but the fact that Disney doesn’t show “Disney” anymore.

 When I was growing up in the late eighties, I was a Disney fan–what kid wasn’t, but I went a little beyond what you might call the usual interest. I tried to watch every old Disney film, good or bad. I loved the ridiculous stories and old-fashioned adventure for some reason. It may be that I often hate school and wanted to live in another time period.

When my family finally got a VCR I started renting as many of the Disney flicks as I could find on the rental shelves. Darby O’ Gill and The Little People was a regular pick. I must have watched a hundred times. When we eventually subscribed to cable and we had The Disney Channel I recorded it for multiple viewings.

Since being a kid, I realized Disney wasn’t all that “Disney.” He was a business man with many flaws and sometimes treated his employees badly. …But I can’t help but pick up the old films when I see them released on DVD. And last weekend I picked up Darby O’ Gill.

There was a time when boozing and brawling were acceptable as family viewing, as well as Irish stereotypes. The storyline of the film has Darby tricking the king of the leprechauns into staying up all night until dawn (when apparently they lose their magic powers) by giving him some homemade hooch. The king gets sloshed and damns his lust for drink because it got the better of him.

The drinking continues on with several bar scenes, one in which Darby earns himself a glass of stout for helping out the Parish to get a bell and even gets the leprechaun king a glass of the finest whisky (I think it was whisky) in the house.

Lastly, Sean Connery…oh, didn’t I mention this is one of his earlier films? He sings! Sean Connery’s character Michael gets whacked over the head by the town bully and made to look like he’s drunk so he’ll lose his job. The bully pours alcohol over him.

If the drinking doesn’t raise the eyebrows of some conservative homemakers thinking they can let their kids watch Darby O’ Gill without worry, then maybe the coming of death will get them to throw the movie out.

Darby’s stubborn daughter takes after a horse that’s loose in the hills and meets up with the banshee. She’s found unconscious and brought back home and the priest begins the last rites. Banshees are very bad for your health, I guess.

Poor old Darby steps outside again to fight the banshee away from his daughter, but then sees a coach in the sky drawn by black horses. It’s the coach of death and it isn’t leaving empty handed.  I won’t give away the rest of that scene, but I always loved it as a kid. It was creepy, magical and truly morbid all at the same time. The effects are a bit dated now though after watching it again, still for a family film it’s a bit dark.

Lastly, we have a bar fight because real Irish men don’t settle their disputes in the court system. They have it out with their fists. Sean Connery shows he was ready for Bond by clocking the bully a good one. As for his Bond girl he’d have to settle for an Irish sweetheart with freckles (far too cute to be a Bond babe and my wife said she was also too young–Sean Connery looked like a child molestor).

The only thing I’m disappointed about watching the film again is that there was no smoking, only a reference to a favorite pipe. See, I’m all about thumbing my nose at the new order that wants family viewing to be so damn pristine it becomes meaningless.

Darby O’ Gill is a perfect kids’ film. The wonder of leprechauns and the fantasy of living in a small village where everyone knows your name is something we miss with our big cities. Fairy tales aren’t told to kids, they’re turned into blockbusters or they’re not told at all. And organized mainstream religion kills the mystery of death by trying to keep pace with modern society and science instead of just throwing up their hands and recognizing God/death/leprechauns are not supposed to be explained. A superstitious old man or woman would be refreshing to hear from the pulpit.

As far as drinking, there’s a lesson to be learned: someone may be trying to get you soused in order to request three wishes–that is if you’re a leprechaun.

AMC is airing “Outbreak,” apparently it’s an “American Movie Classic.” I remember when AMC really did broadcast classics, a lot of old black and white gems from musicals to film noir to horror. Sigh.

 Not that I don’t mind their new selection which is usually Clint Eastwood or the Halloween series, I understand they had reinvent their lineup for advertising purposes. “Outbreak,” however, is better left to something like TBS or TNT or late night on one of the premium channels.

I watched it in the theater back when it was released in 1995. Directed by Wolfgang Peterson and starring Dustin Hoffman, it was a pretty decent mainstream flick…except…

Who the hell decided to cast Rene Russo as Dustin Hoffman’s wife/love interest? The woman is tall enough to step on him. They are so incredibly mismatched that it has to be one of the worst cinematic pairings ever.

Fortunately, the two are strong enough actors that we can still absorb the storyline, but every time they appear together the viewer is reminded of their star status–in real life it would be amazing to see these two together and guys would be congratulating a toad like Hoffman for nabbing Russo.

Nothing against Hoffman, I’m a fan, but somebody should have had the guts to say, “We need another leading lady!” A short one, not too ugly but certainly not gorgeous and definitely some wear and tear. Rene Russo is too beautiful to comprehend hooking up with an older guy that has to look up to admire her.

Ever see one of these ads above? You wouldn’t think it was aimed at girls. Those are some pretty damn full breasts. It makes guys want to click on over to a “dress up” avatar site like IMVU.com.

I don’t necessarily like to use the word “slutty” because I think it’s fine for women to dress sexy, but preferably if they’re over 16 (at least). 12-14-year-olds give me the creeps when they wear adult clothing and too much make-up. The only reason I’m calling these dress-up dolls slutty is because of the advertising. And I have proof below that I’m not the only one to think so…

…See, the name “Slutty” is already taken.

I’ve always suspected that women are attracted to products and magazine covers which feature other women exposing themselves. Otherwise, why is there no difference between Maxim Magazine and Cosmopolitan? Young girls are going to want to play with dolls with perfect breasts, a thin waist and glutes you have to buy from a surgeon. I don’t if it is good for a girl’s body image to indulge in such unrealistic body types, but I’m sure their overweight mothers will bring them back to reality–after all that’s what happens to that perfect figure when you go through 9 months of pigging out because you’re eating for two.

Here’s an interesting footnote to a Wikipedia entry on the 1981 horror film The Entity: “A video game based on the movie was created in 1983 for the Atari 2600, but never released.”

Where is this game?!!

If you haven’t seen The Entity starring Barabara Hershey then you might not know it is about demon rape. And the producers went to great lengths to show it. They even had ghostly fingers manipulating Barbara’s breasts.

So for there even to be consideration to make a video game based on this concept for the original Atari is mind boggling to me. With today’s “Grand Theft Auto” type games I could see it happening, but in 1981 video games were still pretty innocent. The biggest hit of course being “Pac Man.”

You also have to consider the graphics. Would ghost rape look good on a 2600?

Most likely the game had nothing to do with the film. There’s no way the marketing department would greenlight promoting a game that depicted rape of any kind. Still I would like to see the game. Some old programmer is sitting on it somewhere and it’s a shame that it has to be lost forever just because at one time it was denied distribution. This is the kind of game that should be released on the internet for the sake of geek history.

There may be hope for seeing this game yet. Due to the growing interest in retro-gaming this post suggests that The Entity video game will be dug up.

Okay, tip of the day from Popped-Culture.today.com. Type “Keeley Hazell” into Google Search for images. Then add the word “nude” after her name.

Holy Jesus!

Did anyone ever see “Silent Rage”? How come I’ve never heard of this film until catching it on Netflix? It’s Chuck Norris fighting an unstoppable psycho who can’t be killed because doctors injected him with self-healing drugs.

 The film isn’t good, but seeing Chuck Norris fight it out with a character similar to Michael Myers or Jason is worth watching for the cheese factor. How come we can’t get him to star in the latest Jason or Halloween film? Or would Rob Zombie allow for such hokeyness in his little horror masterpieces. With Jason crossing over into Freddy territory previously couldn’t see a martial arts crossover?

The film is from 1982 and the tagline is great: “Science created him, now Chuck Norris must destroy him.” As far as Chuck’s character he’s basically “Walker, Texas Ranger.” Ron Silver, who recently died, is also in this and it’s pretty obvious he’s the best actor of the bunch. I always felt bad for Ron because he’s one of those actors who should have been offered better roles, but always got the B-movie ones. Not that we’re complaining about alien movies like “The Arrival” or his role on the sitcom “Rhoda,” I just think there was lost potential for more Oscar worthy scenes.

Anyways, Silent Rage is a decent time killer and a must see if you’re a Chuck Norris fan. It certainly is the bottom of the pile compared to “Missing in Action” or “Invasion USA,” but just to see what could be if Chuck was put in a horror flick stirs the imagination.

And how come with all of the recent focus on David Carridine, doesn’t anyone ever think to ask why Chuck isn’t in a Quentin Tarantino film? I guess Chuck has gone a bit conservative these days so maybe it would be against his own morals. Certainly back in the day he didn’t mind the violence and tit shots, though as a I recall he never swore like a Tarantino script–maybe it all comes to language.

I despise people who use the word  “Nazi” when it comes to defining their enemies…except when it comes to me.

Yes, I’m a hypocrite, but I prefer to think the title to this post is more like an inspiration from a B-movie title than the historical National Socialists. My anger has to do with the government acting like Nazi clowns wanting to control everything.

We already have anti-smoking laws up the wazoo. Do we need even more legislation? The Obama Administration says yes! And as usual they are controlling what we see for the “sake of the kids.” Damn the kids. I’m sick of having my world defined by stupid young people who need to be taught critical thinking instead of having everything censored for their gullible eyes.

“Historic anti-smoking legislation sped to final congressional passage on Friday,” reports the Associated Press. This new legislation will involve:

- Cigarette packages will have warning labels that cover 50 percent of the front and rear. The word “warning” must be included in capital letters. (If tobacco makers were smart they would name their brand “Warning Cigarettes”)

- Any remaining tobacco-related sponsorships of sports and entertainment events will be banned, as will giveaways of non-tobacco items with the purchase of a tobacco product. A federal ban will be imposed on all outdoor tobacco advertising within 1,000 feet of schools and playgrounds. (As if kids can’t walk a 1000 feet. How sheltered does Obama think kids are?)

- Smokers, particularly the younger crowd, will find they can no longer buy cigarettes sweetened by candy flavors or any herb or spices such as strawberry, grape, orange, clove, cinnamon or vanilla. (Taste the rainbow–oh no, rainbow is off limits.)

This is f-ing ridiculous. I’m not a smoker, but why the hell do we need all this? Doesn’t government understand that kids rebel against authority. The more they try to suppress smoking the cooler it becomes. If Obama was smart he would start a campaign showing parents and police advocating cigarettes. No kid wants to imitate geeky adults.

This nonsense about giving the FDA so much power over cigarettes is eventually going to extend into the arts. I recently wrote an article on “R-rated Smoking” where the MPAA takes smoking into consideration when rating a film. And there is some moron insisting that any movie showing smoking has to have an “R” attached to it.

Luckily, most kids are rebelling with a relatively harmless drug called “pot.” But with Nazi tactics like this anti-smoking legislation, Obama is going to make cancer sticks a way for kids to give “the man” the finger.

I am rarely one to jump on new technology when it’s first put on the market. The reason being is it usually has bugs in it and it costs too much. Take for instance the Iphone 3GS everyone is now salivating for when it comes out on June 19. I’d be more likely to buy the Iphone 3G because they just dropped the price by a 100 bucks and I don’t really care if I can’t send pictures or take videos without having the new one (the software update fixes the MMS problem anyhow).  Iphone 3G still browses the web–oh, and I can use it to make phone calls.

 The newest is not always the best because companies rush to put their products out without discovering all of the flaws. Then the feedback, or rather complaints, come in from users and they start fixing the software and possibly even the hardware. Apple is better than most, only they always are pricey…that’s going to change as far as I’ve read though. Watch your ass, Microsoft.

So it’s not a surprise that I just purchased a Wii along with Wii Fit. And I did it on an impulse because I’m always interested in anything related to fitness that will keep me motivated. I find that variety is the key to maintaining an exercise regiment because we tend to get bored fast.

My first time trying the Wii beat my expectations. For once they got it right for those of us who aren’t kids and don’t have the spare time to figure out multiple button moves, complex storylines, and long instructions. You jump into a game with Wii and start playing immediately. And isn’t that the future of games? Isn’t that what we all envy when in Star Trek NG the crew members take vacations by going to the holodeck. You enter a virtual world where you use your body and know-how, not a gamepad. I have high hopes for Wii to continue towards that end result.

Wii Fit is a great introduction to exercising for the novice, but my question is does anyone lose weight with it? Or is it just a fad. My wife loves it and currently we are both on our 3rd day. It’s not quite as intensive for me to match a workout on the treadmill or jogging outside, but on the other hand I rarely do strength exercises or yoga so I believe I’m hitting new spots to get sore on the ol’ bod.

Since 3 days doesn’t tell you much, I started looking for articles on the web from game players that had actually tested Wii Fit and this one from Kotaku.com says yes on weight loss. However, I think something the author wrote is very telling: “Like when anyone starts a new exercise program, I went all out when I started. And like most, my goal wasn’t to be fit, per se, but to drop a few extra pounds.”

That’s the key to exercise in general. When you first buy any piece of exercise equipment you get all excited and dream big and then go all out–like those pair of dumbbells you used one day, burned out your arms and never picked them up again. I would have to say I was guilty of doing this with the Wii on the first day. I played all the Wii Sports and then started Wii Fit. Now I’m nervous if I’ll continue day by day so I’m trying not to overdo it. I think Wii Fit is an addition to my exercise routines and not the sole piece of equipment I’ll be using.

USA Today seems to think Wii Fit may be more than a trend. It’s still selling. “Think about it: A game that teaches yoga poses and calisthenics is outselling games that teach warfare and auto theft. ” That is promising, though I don’t have anything against violent games or stealing virtual cars (just leave my Honda alone, you bastards–it’s all I got). Fact is, I’m hoping that Wii will come out with a super involved violent game using swords or other weapons as well as martial arts. One from a first person point of view like the boxing game on Wii Sports.

Imagine the workout let alone the coordination you could build by fighting imaginary villains using your arms and feet and possibly your head. All it might take is some sensor bands that you attach to your body. With regular workouts you are very aware of “time.” With games you lose track of time, thus you are more likely to put in a good workout. The possibilties for getting obese kids fit are endless.

The one game I keep hearing about that people are losing weight with is “Dance, Dance, Revolution.” I am a horrible dancer, but I’d like to pick it up and give it a go. Even attempting dance moves for me would be a good way to exercise. I’ll just have to do it when my wife’s not around to laugh at me.

I put off seeing “Zohan” after seeing too many Sandler films in the theater that really were only worth the attention of a DVD rental. Now I realize this is one movie I would have paid full ticket price to see. It’s not for everyone, but if you have Jewish or Palestinian friends see it with them and laugh your ass off.

Adam Sandler plays a “Super Jew” counterterrorist who can do just about anything including dancing naked to disco beats. It’s the usual Sandler schtick of him being “tough” in some manner, but the writers added so many absurd moments that it feels fresh.

What I found most impressive, and please don’t read if you’re planning to see the movie anytime soon, was the “Rocky” parody. It’s been done to death, but it’s where Rocky cracks open several eggs into a glass and drinks them.

In the “Zohan” version I started to groan when I saw them aiming for that particular tribute, but then they added an original twist I’m amazed no one else thought to do. The Phantom, a Palestinian terrorist, is working up his strength to confront Zohan so as the Rocky theme plays in the background he cracks those eggs and out comes…baby chicks. They’re dropped into the glass one by one and then he downs them like a liquid. I laughed and after drawing so many gag cartoons it’s hard to catch me by surprise.

 So hats off to the writers. An old gag made new. And a movie worthy of showing at peace accords because the difference between America and The Middle East is we can give each other a bad time about each other’s race with a smile.