AMC is airing “Outbreak,” apparently it’s an “American Movie Classic.” I remember when AMC really did broadcast classics, a lot of old black and white gems from musicals to film noir to horror. Sigh.

 Not that I don’t mind their new selection which is usually Clint Eastwood or the Halloween series, I understand they had reinvent their lineup for advertising purposes. “Outbreak,” however, is better left to something like TBS or TNT or late night on one of the premium channels.

I watched it in the theater back when it was released in 1995. Directed by Wolfgang Peterson and starring Dustin Hoffman, it was a pretty decent mainstream flick…except…

Who the hell decided to cast Rene Russo as Dustin Hoffman’s wife/love interest? The woman is tall enough to step on him. They are so incredibly mismatched that it has to be one of the worst cinematic pairings ever.

Fortunately, the two are strong enough actors that we can still absorb the storyline, but every time they appear together the viewer is reminded of their star status–in real life it would be amazing to see these two together and guys would be congratulating a toad like Hoffman for nabbing Russo.

Nothing against Hoffman, I’m a fan, but somebody should have had the guts to say, “We need another leading lady!” A short one, not too ugly but certainly not gorgeous and definitely some wear and tear. Rene Russo is too beautiful to comprehend hooking up with an older guy that has to look up to admire her.

Okay, tip of the day from Popped-Culture.today.com. Type “Keeley Hazell” into Google Search for images. Then add the word “nude” after her name.

Holy Jesus!

Did anyone ever see “Silent Rage”? How come I’ve never heard of this film until catching it on Netflix? It’s Chuck Norris fighting an unstoppable psycho who can’t be killed because doctors injected him with self-healing drugs.

 The film isn’t good, but seeing Chuck Norris fight it out with a character similar to Michael Myers or Jason is worth watching for the cheese factor. How come we can’t get him to star in the latest Jason or Halloween film? Or would Rob Zombie allow for such hokeyness in his little horror masterpieces. With Jason crossing over into Freddy territory previously couldn’t see a martial arts crossover?

The film is from 1982 and the tagline is great: “Science created him, now Chuck Norris must destroy him.” As far as Chuck’s character he’s basically “Walker, Texas Ranger.” Ron Silver, who recently died, is also in this and it’s pretty obvious he’s the best actor of the bunch. I always felt bad for Ron because he’s one of those actors who should have been offered better roles, but always got the B-movie ones. Not that we’re complaining about alien movies like “The Arrival” or his role on the sitcom “Rhoda,” I just think there was lost potential for more Oscar worthy scenes.

Anyways, Silent Rage is a decent time killer and a must see if you’re a Chuck Norris fan. It certainly is the bottom of the pile compared to “Missing in Action” or “Invasion USA,” but just to see what could be if Chuck was put in a horror flick stirs the imagination.

And how come with all of the recent focus on David Carridine, doesn’t anyone ever think to ask why Chuck isn’t in a Quentin Tarantino film? I guess Chuck has gone a bit conservative these days so maybe it would be against his own morals. Certainly back in the day he didn’t mind the violence and tit shots, though as a I recall he never swore like a Tarantino script–maybe it all comes to language.

I flipped onto Encore and started watching First Knight which I originally saw in the theater back in 1995 and then again from the local video rental store. It’s not a the best rendition of the King Arthur theme, but it’s entertaining enough and I’ll watch almost anything with Sean Connery in it. Richard Gere is a little annoying as Lancelot, but then I always find Richard Gere a little annoying in movies even though I like many of the movies he’s in.

The female lead of the film is Julia Ormond. An actress that was given several large roles around that time period starting with Legends of the Fall where she cut her hair and blew her brains out for Brad Pitt.

For some reason her career never took off like it should have. Possibly the movies she was cast in were subpar except for Legends of the Fall where she was overshadowed by Pitt. One hit with bad choices afterwards have done in a potentially big career before. It’s a tricky road for any actor or actress.

For myself, I had a crush on her once I saw Legends and then subsequently First Knight and I even tolerated Sabrina (with Harrison Ford) which probably shouldn’t have been remade (it’s not bad, just not necessary).

The thing is, even with the subpar film roles Julia Ormond always stood out. I thought she was charismatic and had a beauty not felt in other would be starlets. It was disappointing to see her fade away from the limelight after Sabrina.

Not that she disappeared. She made a wonderful low key mystery called “Smilla’s Sense of Snow” which showed she was able to hold a film on her own without having a male lead beside her. While recognized by critics, it was not a huge hit at the box office.

It’s too bad Hollywood is a business and that number crunchers and marketing departments ultimately make decisions on who will be cast in what. I think we missed out on Julia Ormond as a huge star who should have been put in progressively bigger roles with more onscreen responsibility.

I am not one to think copyright law on the internet is a straightforward, black and white policy, much to the chagrin of media lawyers. There are gray areas because the internet is not just about corporations, it’s filled with people who want to share what they think is “cool” much the same way they did before there was an internet. Only now, they can share what they think is “cool” with more people.

But I was surprised to see FHM Online post a collection of sexy gifs with well known actresses so I’m questioning if they somehow got permission or if they believe, the same as Facebook and MySpace users, that the gifs are for personal enjoyment to post on personal pages…except FHM is a for profit site as well as a for profit magazine.

That means if they didn’t get permission for the images they may be more vunerable than the geek who shows off his own collection on a not for profit blog.

Regardless, if you want to check it out I’ve always loved looped Gifs highlighting T&A. It’s the kind of silly fun that will be associated with the nineties web page. In the future, due to broadband speeds increasing, will start to see longer and longer clips. Looped Gifs may be archived under “internet nostalgia.”

I think the Carrie Prejean Miss California controversy is overblown, but that’s what usually happens when a public figure makes a homophobic remark. And she’s just too easy of a target.

Per Reuters.com here’s what she said recently: “I believe no one should be silenced if they are speaking from their heart. I am a model. I am a Christian.”

Not since Kathy Ireland became a pro-life Christian has a model stood up for Jesus Christ more proudly and asserted the moral majority stance. Good for you Prejean.

 Is this what religion has come to? Or rather Christianity since many mainstream Christians take offense at the word “religion” because it’s so impersonal. Let’s put aside the fact that both Kathy Ireland (before and after her conversion) and Miss California were leading young boys into lustful thoughts and generous amounts of time spent in the bathroom. Standing up for Christ used to mean you studied the Bible and witnessed to the heathens and suffered for it–you didn’t parade around on stage in a bathing suit in order to win cash and prizes.

The Miss USA Pageant and other pageants can dress themselves up as wholesome opportunities for pretty girls, but most of us are not fooled. These contests are strictly about what’s “on the outside” and not about what’s “on the inside.” Otherwise, why do we need to see them in bathing suits? How about just the evening wear? There are some big-boned women who still look good in an evening gown. Hell, I always prefer a pretty girl in a pair of jeans and T-shirt, laid back and casual on a summer day.

I’m not against the Miss USA pageant, I just like to be honest about it. If I’m watching it I’m not interested in what the girls have to say about politics, social issues or peace. I’m interested to see their dimensions and who beats out who because of what they got to show. And most women are wanting to see that too in order to judge them–tearing down their own gender with catty remarks is definite sport with some women.

Carrie Prejean thinks she’s being persecuted for Christ and conservative evangelical organizations are supporting her misguided ego while dismissing her topless shots. She’s not being persecuted, she’s making an idiot of herself. It’s admittedly great entertainment, but I would think most Christians would be embarrassed. There’s Christian sports stars, Christians film stars, Christian rock stars, and now Christian models. It’s good to know Jesus favors the pretty people to spread his gospel as they gain fame and money in his name.

TV Evangelists are no longer necessary. We have a whole new line of Christian celebrities that will bring the mounting hypocrisy.

Awhile back, before the release of Wolverine, I wrote about whether I thought Ryan Reynolds was a good choice for any action movie.  And while he had a small part this time around he seemed to pull it off–though was that him at the end with his mouth all sealed up?

Regardless, that’s not why I’m writing this post. If you saw Wolverine you saw the final fight sequence where Mr. Sideburns himself boasts his blades and then Deadpool slowly lets his own blades out. EXCEPT! They’re sword blades hidden within his arms.

I’m no scientific genius but doesn’t that present a problem? If the sword blade runs the length of his arms he wouldn’t be able to bend at the elbow? It doesn’t make sense unless there is some absurd explanation like the metal forms at the tip of his fist, otherwise inside his arm it is liquified. But then if that blade is made of “Adamantium” it would mean that Deadpool’s insides would have to be on fire to keep it melted. I suppose anything is possible since he is a combo mix of all the mutant powers Stryker wanted to put into him.

Maybe there’s a comicbook geek out there that could answer this one. I consider myself fairly geeky but I’m not up on the original Wolverine history or the Deadpool history.

Suffice to say, logic doesn’t matter. Ryan will be back in The Deadpool spinoff movie. Considering that he got his ass kicked by two mutants I’m not sure what the storyline will be (I assume it will be a prequel to the prequel we just saw). I do say congrats to Ryan. I like the guy, but I think he still has a ways to go before he proves himself as an action star. He still feels like a smartass sidekick to me.

You have to laugh. Kiefer Sutherland, already on probation for a DUI, headbutted a fashion designer.

Head butting is something you only see in the movies or in professional wrestling (and that’s fake anyhow–yeah, I said it). What would prompt any one to headbutt another person is beyond me. Punching someone I understand, but to physically take your head and use it as a weapon in a move intended to knock the other guy unconcious is pure slapstick.

The fashion designer’s name is Jack McCollough. Who? He’s that guy Kiefer Sutherland head-butted.

That’s what he will be famous for from now on because when I did a search on him that is all that came up.

The rumor mill is saying that Jack McCollough for some reason bumped into Brooke Shields and that somehow caused a chain reaction inciting Kiefer’s head to react. It doesn’t make too much sense because McCollough is friends with Brooke and therefore wouldn’t need her honor upheld by “Mr. 24 Hours.”

The likely explanation is that Kiefer was drunk. After all he’s already in trouble for drinking while driving (what a dick, can’t he afford a chauffer?). It could have been anyone who Kiefer decided to attack on the spur of the moment.

Or maybe it was Brooke Shields that did the headbutting and Kiefer, being the gentleman that he is, decided to cover for her. Brooke looks like she could headbutt too, so I’m not ruling out this possible scenario.

We’ll try to keep on it with an update when this goes to trial.

I reviewed Trailer Park of Terror for my horror blog at Examiner.com and in that movie there is a stunning young black woman with a semi-fro (I don’t know what kind of hairstyle you would call it, that’s my best guess). In the horror flick she doesn’t have a big part, she’s intended to be eye candy, but I believe she’s one of the most memorable characters to come out of that film.

Okay, that’s not saying much considering it’s a trashy redneck horror film–in the movie the white bad boy couldn’t keep his hands off of her–so I decided to look this emerging starlet up. Everyone has to start somewhere.

 According to her bio on IMDB she’s starting to get some credits in. I see Norbit with Eddie Murphy, which is interesting because I thought Eddie played everyone in his comedies. I see she is credited as “Hottie” in a spot in Hancock. “Hottie” isn’t exactly going to win you an Oscar, but it might get you your next role. I see an upcoming film role for “Tranny McGuyver”… Hold up, what? It must be a small role. When I pull up the promo image for Tranny McGuyver I don’t even see her, just some scary white people in cop uniforms. Not sure what the hell that is all about?

Regardless, if you Google images for Hayley Marie Norman you’ll see she’s done plenty of modeling, such as pictorials in Stuff Magazine. Oh, and if you turn the safe search off there is one topless shot of her–thankfully! In Trailer Park of Terror they do everything unrated except show her topless. Cheapskate producers probably didn’t want to pay her extra after having to fork out for a cameo by Trace Adkins.

I’ll be on the lookout for more from this girl. She was also on Deal or No Deal opening suitcases, and in a sea of models she stands out with those chipmunk cheeks and wild hair. If you can stand out amongst the pack these days, and modeling is vicious, you’re doing well. Now she needs to find some juicy roles that value her for more than just the T&A…and then we will give her more respect, but we still expect the T&A, I mean c’mon.

Never seen Zapped? Yeah, it’s not best eighties sex comedy ever made. Fact is, I don’t think it even qualifies as a sex comedy. It’s too innocent and silly.

Zapped was one of those movies I remember seeing the trailer for on TV and thinking, “Why was it rated R? Were all the girls nude.” After all there was Fast Times at Ridgement High where the trailer features a girl being unzipped.

As a kid you think all of the advertised R-rated movies aimed at teens over 17 were so taboo and forbidden and must contain sinful images your parents would disapprove of. The truth is most are poorly written and in the case of Zapped they are completely harmless.

Zapped is enjoyable, but certainly it is for those who grew up in the eighties or who appreciate cornball comedies. The premise is pretty simple: nerd boy is in the lab one day and by accident discovers a formula that gives him telekinetic powers. If it weren’t for the occasional boob shots I would swear this was intended to be a Disney film starring a young Kurt Russell (anyone else brave enough to say they watched “The Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes?).

There are moments of offbeat inspiration in the film, it could have been a “One Crazy Summer” or a “Better Off Dead” and Scott Baio might have gone on to have a career similar to John Cusack.

One such moment is when Scott Baio’s character Barney uses his mind powers to float his Star Trek Enterprise model in the air. It enters into the fish tank without cracking the glass and continues all the way past the fish and out the other side. Then the dog bites down on the model ship and we get a parody scene of the old Star Trek show.

It’s a small scene and there are other ones with touches of brilliance, if only they had filled out the rest of the movie with more of these ideas we would have a memorable, quirky teen comedy. Instead we have a film that needs work and is only held together by the nostalgia of the release date and the characters.

Which brings me to my next point: Scott Baio and Willie Aames were inseparable. After Zapped they appeared together in Charles in Charge. My only complaint is that in Zapped Willie Aames plays a rich, cool guy instead of the ‘tard in Charles in Charge. I prefer him as the ‘tard.

I wonder if these days if Scott Baio and Willie Aames are the best of buds? Per this story on CBS.com they’re more like entertainment associates. If you don’t know, Willie has gone fundamental and plays “Bible Man” in his own superhero series which you can see on Trinity Broadcasting Network or buy on (shudder) DVD.

That kind of conversion would probably lead Willie to judge Scott as a heathen and thus feel the need to convert him. That kind of friendship becomes annoying.

We saw Willie’s Christian walk on Celebrity Fit Club when he acted like any other spoiled celeb. He argued, he complained and he did not appear to be that happy in the face of adversity (give it up to the Lord, Willie). Thankfully, he had Gary Busey, his brother in the Lord, to provide comfort. Oh wait, Gary is one crazy son of a bitch.

So if Scott and Willie have gone their separate ways and can only speak of some good times they had filming their sitcom I guess that’s alright, but it’s too bad they didn’t remain close and work on other projects. As a comedy team they played it well together. Scott was the straight man and Willie made us laugh.

I always find it sad to go back and see celebs at a young age and in their prime and then fast forward to the present to see how they’ve screwed up with drugs and broken marriages.

Zapped shows the two at one of the best times of their careers. They were incredibly young and had everything to look forward to after starring in their first feature film where they took top billing.

The past is always Zapped. All we can do is rewind and watch it again.